When we were young, we had adults telling us what was acceptable and what wasn’t. Parents, teachers, neighbors, our friends’ parents, loved ones, grandparents – every one kept correcting us along the way. Unfortunately, most of them did it with a critical attitude and took it to the negative. They were afraid for you and they were also afraid of themselves, thinking that the way you behaved would reflect on them. So they took it all negatively and scolded you, berated you and made you feel small. The truth is, they probably didn’t know better and were just doing what they themselves were taught growing up.
When we grow up and start taking cognizance of our own lives, we tend to act in the same way as others did toward us. We scold ourselves for things we think we did wrong. We make ourselves feel guilty as if we committed a crime. We “punish” ourselves – maybe not in the way like facing the wall or going to our rooms, but we do so in other ways we think we deserve and hold back rewards or compliments thinking we will spoil ourselves.
The result of self-criticism is that we end up not liking ourselves very much. The same way that we loathed that strict teacher or parent, in the same way we secretly begin to turn against ourselves. And because we don’t like who we have become, we end up rebelling and hurting ourselves even more, and the cycle continues. Using the word “criticism” when we are observing ourselves is wrong. More than looking down on who we are, we need to look at ourselves with neutral if not loving inner eyes. We need to start understanding that we are but human, and the process of being human is to learn who we are, accept that and then patiently make changes wherever we can.
The best advice you can take from this is to be as loving as you can toward yourself. Imagine yourself as a three-year-old child…how would you correct the behavior without ruining the innocence? By being patient, understanding and slow to judge. Who you really are is but a mortal and deserve the best treatment possible, just like anyone else. A good indication of how you need to treat yourself is by doing to yourself as you do to others! You wouldn’t criticize and put-down your friend, neither would you be quick to hurt and sabotage the one you love the most. Usually we are on our best behavior with those around us but treat ourselves with the same loathing as we would an axe murderer. What you are unknowingly doing is self-sabotaging yourself to a successful, happy life.
If you need more encouragement with self-love, you need to read the book by Marianne Williamson called “A Return To Love” or join her online courses and teachings by clicking HERE.
This article ends with a fantastic quote from her bestselling book that Oprah swears by:
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